October 30th, 2009
Tell me, where did I go wrong?
Around two weeks ago, I mentioned 6th and how she wanted to end the arrangement between us. I was perfectly fine with that. I have to admit, I feel partially responsible for her pain. You might think that I'm such a jerk for washing my hands clean of this. Well, give me the chance to lay my case first before you start judging me.
When I first contacted 6th, I was in the heat of my phase. And during our conversations, I sensed a mutual attraction between us that was eventually verbalized by both of us. And so I asked her if she was curious about sex. She was. I then did my best to convince her that I was a suitable candidate to experience that with. Unlike "players", I was straightforward and honest with my intentions -- I made it clear that I was trying to convince her, and that it was just sex and not love or affection. I succeeded; she was convinced, some time later we slept with each other. While one can argue that the manner in which I convinced her is in itself a form of courtship -- similar to how salesmen court their potential customers -- it was clear from the start that I wasn't courting her so that she can be my girlfriend. In fact, I told her that I had a girlfriend. Part of the reason for my success -- hmmm, on second thought, I won't reveal that anymore. My point is, I was clear with what I had to offer from the very start.
Some guy mentioned to me that one should never sleep with a woman more than twice, because on the third time she's likely to fall. I didn't believe that at first. Well, we're waaaay past that three-time threshold. She fell.
Fast forward to a few days ago. She's in love with me, I'm not. She's in pain because she loves someone who she knows can never be hers. And she can't bring herself to blame me because I was clear from the start that I wouldn't fall for her. For me, it was just sex and friendship between us, and nothing more. Again, I'm the kind of person who has managed to differentiate sex from love, for me both can exist exclusively from the other.
So, is it my fault that she fell? I didn't do anything other than be myself. I didn't lie to her, or tell her that I loved her even for a brief moment. Even as we were caught in the throes of passion, I was firmly in control of how I was displaying (or in my case, not displaying) any affection. I say it's not my fault. And based on the conversation between us, she agrees.
I do know what my mistake was. I should've stopped when I saw that she isn't like me. Not all people can separate sex from love. It's not fair for me to expect her to think like I do, to have the same restraints and self-control. And I didn't. I did try, though. Even if one gets the chance to ask her, she won't be able to deny how I tried to stop. You see, there was a point early on when I stopped initiating. I stopped asking her to sleep with me. I stopped discussing sex altogether. But there were times when she'd start talking about it. There were times when she was the one who would ask me to sleep with her, and I did my best to say no. But, in the end, to paraphrase one of Master Yoda's quotes, "there is no try". I could've stopped, but I didn't.
I am very sorry that it had to reach this point. I should be wiser in the future, even with everything that I know I still did not make the wise decision. Even now. You'll be surprised (and possibly dumbfounded) when you find out what I'm going to do.
hiddencries
Pasaway lang talaga ang puso. Hindi marunong sumunod sa mga sinasabi ng utak. Lalo na kung babae ka. I'd know. I've been/I am in that situation. :)
Function8
ligalig
theletdown
iamlestat
after that, the woman fell in love with my friend.
i guess falling in love through sex... it depends on the woman's situation.
GHV2
polygamist