Confessions

I was organizing my emails earlier, attempting to reduce my mailbox size (believe it or not, I've accumulated over 7 gigabytes of work-related email) when I happened across my ex's emails. I knew I shouldn't have read any of them, but every time I came across her emails I couldn't help  but read them and revisit the past. Today was no exception.

So I read the last of our emails and took a look at the pictures of us that I was able to save and, well, despite being the one who left her, it breaks my heart remembering how much pain I put her through that moment. Which is precisely why I keep our emails--I want to remind myself of the pain that I caused another human being to keep me in line as much as possible.

Reading our emails reminded me of a certain Filipino song, which I think really captures what she was possibly feeling during that time. Every time I hear this song being played on the radio, I can't help but remember her. Here are the lyrics of the song (sorry, no translations this time), I'll try to post it if I ever figure out how to embed music files here:

Artist: Zelle
Song: Sabihin

Bakit wala ka pa?

Kasama ka'y parang nag-iisa
Pangakong magmamahal

Alis ka rin pala

Sabihin mo na kung babalik ka pa
Para di na maghintay
Sabihin mo na kung aayaw ka na
Para lang malaman ko
Hmmm...

Naririnig mo ba ako?
Sigaw ko ba'y walang tinig
Nakaya kong walang imik
Naririnig naman ako

Sabihin mo na kung babalik ka pa
Para di na maghintay
Sabihin mo na kung babalik ka pa
Para lang malaman ko
Hmmm...

Coda:
Iiyak na lang...
Iiyak na lang...
Hey yeah hey yeahhee...

Bakit wala ka pa?
Naririnig naman ako

Chorus:
Sabihin mo na kung babalik ka pa
Para di na maghintay
Sabihin mo na kung aalis ka na
Para lang malaman ko

I can really picture her singing this song to me. Now I feel bad.