Confessions

theletdown

"What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?"

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Had a pretty packed weekend, meeting up with friends and going to a party.

I met my best friend from college, C, at Greenbelt and we had dinner at Madison.

The best lamb shank I have ever tasted. Really meat falling off the bones. Yum.

I plan to bring my sister there, as she's a real gourmet lover.

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On Sunday, my aunts and cousins will be coming over for a grill party here at home.

They're also bringing beer and vodka.

Oh, how I love my relatives on the father side. They're so carefree and all.

J is coming too, and sleeping over here in our house (not beside me ha).

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I'm okay.

I'm not trapped anymore in a world where if no guy pursues me, then I feel worthless.

I don't anymore. Not at all.

In fact, I don't give a damn if I stay single for a long time.

(ie I don't need to have sex for a long period of time too.)

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Jogged today, then did Tae Bo.

I suspect that my muscles will ache tomorrow- but I love that feeling anyhow.

This is just my opinion, okay?

If you get into a relationship with someone who's already committed to someone else, then there's always that a breaking up looming ahead, right? My take on that is this: that if my partner who is committed to someone decides to end things with me (1) to be with his girl or (2)for any other reason, then I should bite the bullet and let him go. Even if it hurts. Consequently, if I should wish to remove myself from the relationship because (1) I've found someone for myself, or (2) I just want to stop being the other woman, then the guy should also let me go, even if it hurts.

So why does #2 keep bugging me to come back and be with him again? I think he is being unfair...

GHV2

Natutuwa ako para kay Mark Angeles na nagbebenta na ng kaniyang Patikim. Matagal na sanang nailabas ang libro niyang ito kung hindi lang nagkaproblema sa gustong mag-publish. After too much time contemplating, siya na mismo ang nag-publish ng kaniyang akda. Ngayon nga ay nagbebenta na siya, me kaakibat pang good cause.

Sa ngayon ay nawiwindang ako sa pag-aayos/pagbubuo ng manuskritong ipapakatay ipapabasa sa ilang miyembro ng Pinoypoets (pramis, nothing new grand sa manuskritong ito). Dagdag pa dito ang pustahan namin ni Xam na gumawa ng sampung bagong tula para sa taong ito. Ang matatalo ay manlilibre sa grupo. Gayong nakatutuwa na tapos ko ng bunuin ang sampung bagong tula na ito (yehey! yehey!), iilan lang ang maisasama kong mga tula sa binubuo kong koleksyon.

Hay hay sidhay. Napapalibutan na nga ako ng mga librong binabasa. Hindi ko na sila naibabalik sa kanilang maayos na pagkakasalansan. Parang Smokey Mountain ng mga libro ang kuwarto ko.

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Noon sa lilim nito tayo madalas maglaro  Lagi kang gumuguhit ng mga taong may malalapad na pakpak  Hindi mga anghel  Mga taong uwak

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Ano ang pangalan ng pighati?

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Ikinalulungkot kong sabihin na wala na, sinukuan na kita. Hindi mo man lang ako napapanaginipan.

Madalas mo man akong banggitin, subalit hungkag ang iyong inilalaan na kahulugan.

Unti-unti akong naglalandas palabas ng iyong kamalayan, hindi mo man lang namalayan.

Sapagkat inaakala mong napupuspos ang iyong labi ng kahiwagaan, hindi mo na pinangalanan akong nananalig sa iyo tuwina. 

(CNN) -- Efren Peñaflorida, who started a "pushcart classroom" in the Philippines to bring education to poor children as an alternative to gang membership, has been named the 2009 CNN Hero of the Year. More here.

About the group he started

Dynamic Teen Company (DTC) is a group of concerned young people with a mission of making a small yet significant difference in other people’s lives, particularly the small children in slum areas who have no access to education, basic hygiene and sometimes, even love from their families. The group was founded in August 1997 by four teenagers from Cavite National High School. The initial group made up of around 20 members started as a friendship club which aimed to divert the attention of students from joining violent gangs and notorious fraternities that were thriving on the campus. Their major platform then was to cater youth awareness projects, talent and self development activities, and community services. Today, the group holds different activities to address these issues.

Accomplishments

The fruits of their labor are slowly being reaped as former drug users and petty thieves who were reformed through their projects are now also serving as volunteers. Former scavengers are now in school and are helping to raise funds. Some of the children who remain unschooled are now able to read and write. DTC was able to reach thousands of children through their Mind Your Rights (MY RIGHTS) campaign and through their health-literacy work.

In 2007, they launched the “WE ARE THE CHANGE” campaign to inspire people to be the catalyst for change – in what they want to see in their home, community and the world we live in. For they believe that real change happens when we begin to touch one soul and change one heart at a time.

*Lifted from their official website. Know more about this amazing group here.

Ever since I was in elementary, I've always liked hanging out with my guy friends a tiny bit more than with my girl friends. I like being one of the boys. I like that boys have a lot less drama. And I especially like that my guy friends don't treat me differently "because I happen to be a girl". I am their  friend--no gender biases there.

Here are my best  guy friends, some of whom I've lost touch with, temporarily I hope, because of distance. But I am sure then when we meet again, it's be as if we were never separated from each other. This is friendship, guy style.

My favorite guy friends:

1. WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER EVEN BEFORE WE KNEW OURSELVES: Two  guys who were my classmates the whole 6 years in elementary, and with whom I had gone to the same the same high school. They didn't need to be invited to come to my house on my birthday, even if it's during the holidays, and people don't usually go to other people's houses on those days, they always went out of their way to visit me on my special day, even if it's a good hour away from the city. Also, if they were hungry and had already used up their allowance, they'd come to me. I did the same to them. On family days at school and I had no "family" to be with, their families "adopted" me so I wasn't "the poor girl who had no family on family day". They were better at grasping math concepts than I was so they "tutored" me. But I was better at studying and always got better grades. They never hated me for that, and still helped me with stuff I hated, like physics! And whenever exam time came, they'd sit next to me and I let them copy my paper. We all got good grades and were happy. :) There was this guy I really liked in high school. He and I were close, too, but he had a girlfriend. I never told anyone about my feelings for that guy, but somehow these two guy friends found out, and they'd always cheer me up when they knew I was down. When we were in college one of these two guys tried to court me, but I said I preferred to be just friends. We're still friends now.

2. INTERNET FRIENDSHIP COME TO LIFE: A guy I met over the Internet almost 10 years ago turns out to be a good friend, even until now!  We come from the same province so when we were still there, he came to my house a few times to just talk and watch TV. He has a girlfriend of 6 years who went to the same elementary and high school with me. She's one batch ahead of me. We're not really friends but she's cool and I like that she's not a jealous girlfriend. Even when she's in another country, she doesn't get mad that my friend and I go out sometimes to eat. Or that I he invites me to his place to watch movies. In fact, she prefers that I go out with him more than his other friends. I guess she knows very well that he's "safe" with me. He and I can talk for hours  about whatever, and in a mix of English, Filipino, and our native dialect which is so super cool.

3. I CAN DEAL WITH A "PERVERTED" MIND: My best college guy friend. He calls me "pare" so I was assured that in his eyes, I was a guy. And that worked out really well because for the whole 5 years of college, we were very close and there was never any awkwardness. His family knew me well, and his parents and I always have a good talk whenever I slept over. Even when I was with him, he had no qualms about buying porn and "scandals". He even lent me the good ones, and I did watch them LOL. There were times he had girlfriends and he'd always introduce them to me. One time he had a relationship with a girl his family didn't approve of. I was their medium of communication. Sometimes in his car I'd see gas receipts from Sta. Mesa and I asked, "How the hell did you get to Sta. Mesa when you live in freakin' Paranaque?" "Pare, alam mo na yun," was his answer. Hahaha. It always gave me a good laugh, and I'm laughing now as I remember those many, many instances. When he had plans to do something "illegal" with someone, he'd tell me that his mom was going to check up on him and I was supposed to tell her that her son was with studying with me. So I always covered up for him. My only request was for him to never, ever get anyone pregnant. :) He was the only one who knew I was having a relationship with a married guy. I can't remember exactly what he said. But it was something short, like, "Pare, ingat lang ha." When I was in the worst time of my life, and was close to being homeless, he was the only person I ran to and he told me I could live in their house. I refused and instead got a small, dark, dingy room in a rotten place. He helped me move and visited me from time to time to check if I was doing fine. Unfortunately, I've lost touch with him. He's in the US now, but I'm going to find this motherf***** and castigate him for not telling me.  :D :D

===oOo===

There was only one guy friend with whom I did something "crazy" because, well, he really asked for it and we both knew it was just a one time and no strings attached thing. When he was still in Manila we'd meet occasionally (something like twice a year, really, thanks  to busy schedules)to have dinner and catch up. It was just that one time when he was about to go home to our province that the crazy thing happened. :D Anyway, he and I are still good friends, and we still act like nothing happened. In fact, we're  looking forward to meeting again after 2 years(?) when I go home this December.  No crazy stuff, this time. :p Oh, so I'll make this guy #6.

**This is my third post for the day because I am very happy today. Happy enough to be reminiscing old times, old friends, and many other nice and positive things. This has been  a super day for me! :)

red-veronika

I should be preparing my stuff for the three-day retreat. I already fixed my closet.. I organized my clothes and stuff. I couldn't decide on what to bring. It's Tagaytay, I know, but I want to wear something sleeveless then have some jacket over. I'm going to bring an extra pair of shoes and rubber slippers. Socks = must. I cannot survive if my feet are exposed to low temperature. I love the cold but.. cold feet? :3

Important thing that I should bring? My medicine pouch containing iron supplements and Advil. Seriously, if I get a headache, all hell will break loose. I don't like events with crowds, que horror.

I am trying not to panic. My thesis is.. zero. Nothing is happening. It feels like I'm the only one with thesis in mind. I guess, it's time for me to step-up.. :/

Oh dear. Downstairs, my sister is teasing our kid brother. Kiddie crush thing is cute but..

Can girls like someone like or have a crush on someone harmlessly? Yes, we can, unfortunately, not all of us can. A harmless crush is a fun thing, when you can quietly giggle when your crush walks by, or blush when he says something nice. The good thing about a harmless crush is the absence of expectations. It could be because the guy is already committed, or you think he's  out of your league, or simply because what you have is just a crush and you have no fantasies of living life happily ever after with this man. It's all good, really, because the absence of expectations makes you free from disappointment or worse, a broken heart. There are no complicated scenarios of feeling like having unrequited like (which is terrible), which could lead to depression and who-knows-what-else.

Are you capable of this? 'Cause I am, and I think this is what makes me happy, so happy!

I can remember many of these harmless crushes, and I do still have a lot of them, and I always remember them fondly, without that needle pricking my heart or something.

I can't write down about every one of them, but here are some of my "favorite" crushes.

(1) When I was a student, I had a harmless crush on this professor. He was not my professor, but I knew him. He didn't know I existed, I think, but that just made it better! :D Everytime I needed inspiration to study, and everytime I had an exam in or near that building, I'd casually walk by his office. Whenever I saw him, I felt so happy and ready to conquer the world. Guess what, I aced all those subjects. :) He's still working there, and I hope another student can have another harmless crush on him and have him as an effective lucky charm!

(2) I had a harmless crush on my team leader when I was still working in a call center. Guess what, I was never absent, or late (partly because it's not in my nature to come in late for work, and partly because of him) and I always performed well because I wanted to hear him say "Good job!" :D :D And every time my TL requested some of us to do overtime, and I didn't have anything planned for the day, I volunteered because I knew how finding someone willing was really difficult. I was living alone at that time so I volunteered to come in at Christmas and New Year, too. I hit many birds with one stone (1) I didn't have to spend the holidays alone, (2) I was with my cute manager, (3) the food at the office was super, and we were allowed to eat at our workstations!, (4) I earned a lot, thanks to holiday pay. haha! I really loved what I was doing; I was part of an excellent team, and had an amazing superhuman manager whom I had a big crush on. Why wouldn't I go to work everyday?


I still have crushes now, and will continue to have them. I never tell anyone about it so I never get teased. But I get all the fun :)

If you deserve it, like you really are doing something, then you can't complain, right? But when it's baseless and springs from mere paranoia, yay, it could get ugly.

I know of someone who was so paranoid about her boyfriend possibly exchanging e-mails and chatting with girls. The guy was friendly, but he was devoted to her he wouldn't do anything to betray her trust. The woman, wanting to have concrete evidence, bought software that records all the keystrokes you make.

How does it work? According to the guy's sibling, this program records every key you press on the keyboard, and then sends the report to the woman's email address. Initially she didn't have access to his email account. But thanks to the program, she was able to gain access to all his accounts--email, networking, and what-have-you.

The guy was exchanging emails with ex-girlfriends (yes, plural form,), but not with the purpose of rekindling the fire, or anything. It was just for friendship's sake(really!). But she was so jealous that she she couldn't help confronting him and accidentally mentioning the contents of the emails. That was how he realized she had somehow gained access to his email. He defended himself, by telling her matter-of-factly that really, the emails didn't mean anything. But she wouldn't believe him.

The guy asked his techie sibling to help him figure out how she could get all this information. (I can't tell you how he did it, suffice it is to say that he did find out that he had installed that program.) Sibling told brother about the program and as expected, it infuriated him.

Many other things happen which led to one thing--a bad break-up. And another kid with a broken home.