Confessions

I talked about 4th having a date two weeks ago, and I was surprised to find out that she actually had two dates: one with a guy who appeared to be courting her, and one with a guy whom she was going to see for casual sex.

Last week, we were chatting and I asked how her date went, and when she was telling me details I got confused. Turns out she was talking about the guy who seemed to be interested in her. So I stopped her and told her to tell me about her sexual encounter first (obviously what I'm more interested in). She was glad to tell me a few details, especially how she was pleased by his technique. She then proceeded to talk about her other date, and I was surprised when she told me that she had persuaded the guy into going to a motel with her to have sex. Initially, I thought she'd be able to control herself because she just had sex a few days before, and from what she told me she was pleasured enough. So I asked her why'd she initiate the sexual encounter--she just said she couldn't help it. It was their first time to do it and she was disappointed at everything: the size of the guy's member, his passive technique, his lack of interest. Initially, I was worried about the guy stopping his courtship, but turns out she's not interested in him anymore. So I just said that she's lucky she found someone who's able to satisfy her.

Well, I spoke too soon. Today, we chatted again and she told me that she met another prospect at the same social networking website where she met the first two guys. I was surprised and confused, so I asked her why she needed to look for another guy. She said the guy she slept with last two weeks ago stopped responding to her text messages. And she told me that she was duped into paying for the motel fees--he had promised to pay her back last week. Between the guy who was rough on her, this deadbeat guy, and the subpar guy, she's been very unfortunate. This never happened before when we were still doing it, but I really don't want to continue sleeping with her because the relationship that we have right now--friends who can trust each other with each other's secrets--is great. I don't want to ruin that.

I'm guilty of keeping secrets from her though. Despite me sharing a lot in the past, I've kept a lot from her because I don't want her to feel bad. I don't want her to know that I'm still undergoing my phase, because then it brings up her insecurity: Why don't I want to sleep with her anymore? Is it because I no longer find her attractive? Is it because she no longer makes me feel good? It's none of those reasons, but when it comes to insecurity, it's hard to make women listen (no offense). So I can't tell her about what I've been writing on this blog, and despite her sharing what she's been up to lately, I can't bring myself to do the same because I don't want her to feel bad.

Being someone who comes clean with his intentions, it's very difficult for me to "propose". Unlike most players, I don't want to use lies and deceit. From what I've observed and researched (by interviewing women who have had such experiences), some men play to the weaknesses of women and offer them promises of love and devotion. Some even go as far as making the woman fall for them first, then ask them to have sex as proof of their love. Others rely on liquor and taking advantage of the few moments when a woman's inhibitions are weaker or relaxed. The Art of Seduction actually stresses on "building a need", making your target want you so much that they'll be willing to do anything for you.

I've already said I don't want to hurt anyone if I could help it, hence my straightforward approach. Which is very very difficult. Women have natural defenses against "perverts" like me (I think I'm average though) and I've gotten a few negative reactions after such proposals. I don't mind rejection, but it's the judging that I don't like that much. So I've become wary of taking that first step, of making that invitation.

I was very torpe growing up, hence my becoming a late-bloomer and having little relationship experience prior to graduating from college. Those torpe characteristics really come up every time I consider asking someone, and it makes it really hard for me to make the first move. Which is good, in a way, because it limits me from damaging my reputation too much and from misbehaving. I can just imagine how bad people would think of me if I didn't have limits.

Which brings a known player that used to work in the same company as me to mind. I don't know much about him, other than he was really known as a womanizer around the office. He'd flirt with different women at work, and for some reason he doesn't get flak for it. Not as much as I did, anyway, after word of my "phase" leaked out (4 years of me being behaved thrown out the window--people only really remember the bad things don't they?).

I had a glimpse of his style and proof of his activities from conversations with 3rd, 4th and 7th. According to 3rd, who worked with him directly, he would simply ask women to have sex with them. He wasn't someone who promised love or anything, just a good time. I don't think he's handsome, he's the bad boy type actually (which a lot of women dig, apparently). 3rd admitted that the guy asked her, but she refused.

7th confirmed this guy's methods a few months ago, after we revisited our experiences. She had denied having relations with the guy when I asked her then, but this year she admitted fucking him once. According to her, he was persistent, and she thought "what the hell, let's go for it". I didn't ask about their experience, for fear of it becoming better than ours (which was good for me but being a quickie, well, I'll just say that if she gave me another chance I'll show her what I'm capable of under more realistic time constraints). 4th actually stumbled upon an email exchange between this guy and another officemate that confirmed they had sex.

I'm still quite amazed at this guy's success rate, given that our methods are similar. Oh, I have to concede the fact that he's more outgoing than I am and actually goes out with officemates to drink, so maybe the alcohol is also giving him a plus factor. I have to admit that I envy him, but only a bit--at this point in my "phase", I've realized that quality is more important than quantity. No matter how many experiences I get, if they're not nice experiences then I won't be any closer to my end goal: going straight and giving up this kind of life.

One thing I've learned through my previous experiences is that if you decide to engage in infidelities, then you need to set some communication rules with your partner(s). Being that these activities aren't really legal, openly communicating about them can cause trouble for both parties involved, especially when the person you're in a legal relationship with is constantly checking up on you. Which is the reason why I set certain rules for communcation. I don't want to go into details because "a magician never reveals his secrets" (but really, I don't want to make anyone a better "player" of the "game") so I'll just talk about general concepts.

The most important guideline and I think the first rule that needs to be established is there needs to be a way of determining if (1) you've reached the right person and (2) if it's a good time to talk about what you need to talk about (3) without revealing too much if it turns out that you're not talking to the right person.  All three conditions  need to be met before both parties can start talking about what they want to talk about.

The second guideline is both parties need to establish alternatives for "unsafe words" just in case someone happens to gain access to the conversation. This is to avoid having to blatantly state anything, and one can't ever be certain that the lines of communication (text messages, emails, chat conversations) will always be secure. It's easier to persuade someone to dismiss suspicious behavior than it is to convince them not to mind any hard evidence.

The third guideline is establishing a quick and efficient "out", something that will inform both parties that the communication has/will end or has already ended. This will prevent one side from sending any unwanted communication signals because they had no clue that it's not a good time to continue the conversation.

Now that I'm reading this, I think it's still too specific, I'm sure it's going to give others some good ideas. Oh well, I don't want to simply delete this. I'd like to hear other viewpoints about this topic, so I'll have to trust that anyone wishing to use these as a guide knows that they're responsible for their own actions.